Don’t ever ask Jesse Jackson is he related to Michael Jackson. Someone did, just once

On a hot Texas day, Barack Obama heard someone say,”It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity that kills you.” Obama immediately threw him into the sun, thus, proving  that Obama is the greatest living thing on the planet

A freak accident involving James Woods and a severe thunderstorm turned an ordinary stainless steel bicycle into Richard Dean Anderson, star of the T.V series McGyver. Scholars around the world maintain that this is the only known case of irony that is both situational and dramatic

When Clint Eastwood dies the world will mourn for 1,748 days, 3 hours, 16 miutes and 59 seconds. Any child born within this time will be born with hooves and long horns

Leslie Nielsen can make communism work, but he never would. EVER.

Philip Seymour Hoffman’s favourite smell is his enemies soiling themselves while he kicks them repeatedly in the abdominal area

John McCain enjoys ruinng the endings of Harry Potter books for children. When they start to cry, he calmly says “I’ll give you some thing to cry about”, and whips out a pair of nunchuks.

In the beginning there was nothing. Then Billy Bob Thornton punched that nothing in the kidney and told it to get a job. That is the story of the universe.

Bruce Willis’s shiny bald head is maintained by a community of small buddhist monks that live on his scalp

Drew Barrymore doesn’t want your pity, no, she doesn’t want it at all.